If you haven’t dated/met the stage 5 clinger, there has probably been a time you’ve been them, lesbehonest! Its not our proudest moment, and we typically like to black that memory out, but with the best of us there has been that person we just couldn’t quite let go of, let them go. When someone doesn’t act like they care about you, believe them.
Luckily I got that out of my system at age 17, the age where all teenagers think they are really in love and yada yada. When its more understandable and people don’t judge you so much because two days later someone else said or did something more stupid. Don’t we all miss high school just a little bit?
However, when you act that way at 33 . . . .please . . . take whatever remaining part of your dignity you still have and just walk away, seriously walk away. I brought this upon myself really I came at him as Miley would say like a wrecking ball, and I am actually kind of like a dude when it comes to dating which leaves the boys to start acting like girls.
It went down like this;
I went into the bank one day as my debit card stopped working out of the blue, while there I decided to transfer money into my IRA, which got me and the banker talking about home loans as I was soon looking to buy. “Oh, our mortgage guy is actually in today, we can set you up an appointment!” she said excitedly before exiting the cubical to head over to his. Mind you he is literally over the low cubical wall and she continues talking on her way back to me. He yells over the wall he is open for appointments tomorrow so me being me just chimed in that I can pencil him in at 9:30. Out of the cubical he comes to meet me, dress shirt, tie, and baby blue eyes that are oh so swoon worthy, and believe me I swooned. I also noticed he had no wedding ring on his finger, just as a side not.
Calm cool and two days later sat down for my second meeting with him to finalize paperwork. and I just asked “are you seeing anyone?” he was a bit taken aback but had this dimpled smirk on his face when he said he wasn’t. “Do you wanna be?” I literally threw that out there while partially leaned over his desk staring intently into those baby blue. Obviously he said yes which brings us to this post.
It was casual but moved quickly, we saw each other on Friday nights after my tiny humans went to their dads for about a month. He would text, email, call, ok whatever. Flags went up when HE brought up his weight, I am sorry but isn’t that supposed to be my insecurity as a female, and didn’t I ask YOU out? Don’t be a girl. The he pulled the hint hint “you know going a full week (after having only seen each other 3) is a long time to not see a person”. Ummm I saw you Wednesday for 5 minutes outside the bank remember? For serisouly I work, and have children, both full time, what are you expecting? Then one day he called 8, yes EIGHT times. I don’t want to talk to ANYONE that much, especially not in one day. I am actually good going a few days without talking. Falling into the “good morning” and ” how was your day?” conversation EVERY SINGLE DAY is not for me at all! Girls typically like that shit, I do not, I do not want to check in with you, and its none of your damn business what I am doing every minute of the day when I am not talking to you, get a grip, or a freaking hobby.
I let him know that I was one to spook easy, I don’t do the whole “feelings thing” well and calling me eight times in one day freaks me out. “It was a lot huh? I thought so but then I just kept calling.” That is what he said, if you for a second think what you are doing is too much, its too much!! I backed off after that, he was cut from Friday nights. Two weeks later with a few polite text messages, he lost his shit! It also happened to be Valentines weekend.
First of all Valentines E-day cards are fucking tacky, and when you write “You are the cats meow girl” in them . . . are you serious? Did I mention a mariachi band video clip singing “do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight” was attached . . . I wish I were making this up, seriously just shoot me in the face, and seriously what happened to sending flowers? You know where I work bro.
My mother however taught me to be polite. So I thanked him for the down right heinous e-card (seriously an e-card!!) and said it was sweet that he would think of me.
Word for word ” I think of you a lot which might be unfortunate. seems like you are trying to distance yourself from me a bit. ( A LOT ACTUALLY, but apparently he still didn’t grasp that after two weeks with little to no communication) I got your drift. (Did you though? did you catch my drift?) Believe me I would of like to do more for you on Valentines Day, but was practicing some restraint. (Did I mention yet that we WERENT even dating, we actually had that conversation and I can count on my fingers how many times we had hung out . . .practice harder.) I couldn’t just not send anything. (but an e-card? you chose an e-card?) Have a great night. (insert kissy face he added at the end, such a girl)
This is where I insert the “its not you its me line” boys love soo much.
Apparently I need practice with my execution on that line, because clinger clung. He let me know how in such a brief time I had really affected him, but wont send anymore crazy texts. Lie. Then he calls. 30 minutes of him going back and forth on what he wants trying to play on what he thinks I want. Not you bro. What is the reason you ask? You, you are the reason.
And I am still getting text messages.
xoxo,
Single Mamma
Confessions of a Single Momma 